It’s Friday. Welcome to Meme Town.

Today is the first day this week I haven’t had to wake up and hit the ground running. So I am taking my sweet ass time with some coffee, news and giggles this morning. I haven’t even started the dryer to “iron” my jeans yet. It’s beautiful…

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Muchas gracias to the funny meme folks that created my giggles this morning. I adore each and every one of you.

XOXO

~ J ~

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Posted in Guest Love | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Spring 2013: The Season of the Brains

How is it that I’ve fallen into this routine of blogging, like, 3 days in a row, once a month?? Sigh. Just another sign that Spring is nigh I’m afraid.

Spring around here is when I wear earplugs to keep my brain from oozing out of my ears. Spring is when the fence business positively ‘splodes and my phone makes me feel like those old movie images of perfectly coiffed ladies at the Southwestern Bell switchboards.

Unlike these calm and utterly professional young women who have never had an eyelash out of place, however, I look more like PigPen trying to hang with the other Peanuts kids in some semblance of an efficient manner.

But, my infinite dust cloud is filled with puppies, shoelaces, notebooks, pens, laptop,  iPad, extra socks, my forever spilling cup of coffee that’s never quite warm enough,

Holding in of the brains...

Holding in of the brains…

headphones, invoices, order tickets, P.O.s, stray nickles/dimes/quarters that I unconciously throw in my pocket, and the incessant need to pee BECAUSE I AM NEVER OFF THE DAMN PHONE.

So. This year I’m rewarding myself for 2 solid years of hard work. This year I made friends with AT&T. This year I will not be alone. THIS YEAR I WILL HAVE GOOD HAIR AND HOT COFFEE.

Two of my contracted employees, at any given time that they’re working a shift – will have

Happy Jamie, owner of extra phones and amazing coffee.

Happy Jamie, owner of extra phones and amazing coffee.

one of the two (count ’em – two) extra phones bestowed upon me by my friends at AT&T. They will take any calls that I can’t get to. They will take calls from people who speak the fast Spanish that I don’t quite have the prowess to keep up with yet. And they will keep my brains from oozing out of my ears.

You guys, I’m finally going to get to go pee when I want to.

Here’s to Spring 2013!!

XOXO

~ J ~

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Go home kitten, you are drunk.

Judgmental dogs do not condone underage feline drinking

Judgmental dogs do not condone underage feline drinking

Barley is tanked. After going to the vet to get spayed, Bar came home on a 48 hour pain relief shot. She also has a cone that she hates so much it makes her walk backwards. Nonetheless, I’m exploiting my kitten’s misery in the name of hilarious.

XOXO

~  J ~

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Budgeting Like a Boss: Aspirin Masks for a case of the Lovelies

IMG_4444So we just recently discussed my being poor and making stuff so I can still be a fancy lady in my post about the amazing Thyme Toner – well guess what my most favorite frankensteins!?! That toner has a compadre and her name is Aspirin Mask!!

And it’s exactly what it sounds like. I’m terribly sorry I can’t provide more drama and wonderment…or even a drumroll. But alas – this shiz is worth your time!! Work a Thyme Toner -slash- Aspirin Mask combo and your pants’ll be so fancy you’ll grow Jimmy Choos overnight that match everything you’ll ever wear, and they’ll come with a free castle. Speaking of which…do you vacuum castles? Sweep? How does that even work? Are there castle Roombas? I bet the stairs are a bitch.

Anyway, the aspirin mask has major bonuses: (a) It’s CHEAP (b) It has very few instructions, for those of us that slightly suck at following them (c) IT WORKS (d) It’s a two-fer, it clears blemishes and exfoliates!! HUZZAH!!

Here’s what you’re going to want to do:

  1. Crush 3 regular 325mg aspirin into a fine powder (doesn’t matter what brand, so buy IMG_4442whatever’s cheapest) – I use a mortar and pestle because it’s easy and I make less of a mess
  2. Add in 3 pea-sized drops of Aloe Vera Gel (as close to 100% pure aloe as you can find)
  3. Mix it up with your finger – apply over entire face, or just blemished areas, with finger tips – make sure to avoid that tender eye area. It’s not creamy like a mud mask, sorta gritty with the grit all randomly spaced on your face, but trust me, it’s doing it’s job on there.
  4. Let dry. (I usually do deodorant, body lotion, and brush teeth while I wait)IMG_4443
  5. Run some hot water, and get your fingertips wet – rub gently into the mask in a circular motion, adding water to fingers as necessary, until you’ve remoistened your entire face. This shouldn’t cause you physical discomfort, it should just create a nice scrubby feeling
  6. Wet a washcloth under the hot water and do a thorough job of removing the remainder of the maskIMG_4446
  7. Pat face dry with a clean towel, apply your preferred toner, and a good restorative moisturizing night cream
  8. Your skin will thank you by being softer than the day you were born.
  9. Repeat 1-2 times a week, depending on your skin’s needs (don’t overdo it or you’ll see redness) for clear, smooth, naturally gorgeous skin.

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Side Bar: Benjamin and I are trying to get preggs, so I’ve got to check with the doc on this one – I’ve read that your skin absorbs 68% of what you touch and processes it through your liver – so I just want to make sure it’s okay to carry on with my favorite mask during that whole gestation thing. If you’re preggo or TTC, check with your doc too, every lady’s different and I want to make sure all those bebes stay safe and lovely ❤

XOXO

~ J~

Posted in Budgeting Like A Boss | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

It’s Almost Art: Study in Kitten Man-Eating Nap Technique

Barley kitten likes to chew on people to the point of exhaustion. I like to take pictures of my cats. Hence – A Study in Kitten Carnivorous Nappery. You’re welcome. Oh, and that’s my sweater-wrapped hand that she’s devouring…

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Adorable right?

XOXO

~ J ~

Posted in My Favorite Things, Wimbledizzy & Friends | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Budgeting Like A Boss: Epic Thyme Skin-Clearing Toner

I make a lot of my own stuff because I’m poor. Like laundry detergent, fabric softener, body wash, deodorant, conditioner, cough syrup, and brewin’ the amazingness that is Kombucha. But I recently stumbled upon (and slightly adapted) a recipe from the fabulous Lindsay over at Delighted Momma for a skin-clearing Thyme Facial Toner that is MIND BLOWING, and I would make/use it even if I was swimming in hundred dollar bills.

To preface, I am not one of those lucky chickadees that grew out of those pesky breakouts when I happily passed beyond with my teenage years. No sirree. They have hounded me like a banshee on an omen bender. Consquently, I have tried every available skin-clearing, acne-fighting, miracle-promising, piece of crap toner on the budget-friendly market. There might be some kickass product out there made by Clarins or some such, but that little bit of high-dollar magic won’t be found in the medicine cabinets of us chickens. And the stuff I can afford just hasn’t worked for me. I was reduced to using rubbing alcohol on my face which, while effective for surface acne, is drying and super irritating to the skin.

So when I stumbled across Lindsay’s website and this wonderful little toner recipe comprised of two ingredients that I already had in my kitchen, I jumped on the homemade toner wagon lickety split. And from minute one I was hooked. This stuff is AMAZEBALLS. I’ve been using it for about 3 months and my skin is glowy and clear and happy and fabulous. I only suffer through putting on makeup for special occasions now. So add time-saving to this list of awesome.

And it’s so easy!! Here, check it out:

Get some raw Apple Cider Vinegar and dried thyme (I buy my thyme in bulk because it is ridiculously cheap). Pour 1/4 cup A.C.V. into a microwaveable glass jar (ie. Pyrex) and heat for 30 seconds.

Get some raw Apple Cider Vinegar and dried thyme (I buy my thyme in bulk because it is ridiculously cheap, and Bragg’s A.C.V. is about $5 for the big bottle). Pour 1/4 cup A.C.V. into a microwaveable glass jar (eg. Pyrex) and heat for 30 seconds.

Dump in 1-1/2 tbsp Dried Thyme and mix it up.

Dump in 1-1/2 tbsp Dried Thyme and mix it up.

Cover with a cotton cloth and let sit for 2 hours for maximum potency.

Cover with a cotton cloth and let sit for 2 hours for maximum potency. Less time if you prefer.

Get your toner bottle (I bought a little reusable travel one for $0.79) and a funnel...

Get your toner bottle (I bought a little reusable travel one for $0.79) and a funnel…

Lay your cotton cloth inside the funnel like a coffee filter, then dump all the toner mixture into the lined funnel. Let drain into your container (hold it so it doesn't tip over) - and for the last part, pick up the cotton cloth and twist to squeeze all the remaining toner out of the thyme leaves. Cap and use!!

Lay your cotton cloth inside the funnel like a coffee filter, then dump all the toner mixture into the lined funnel. Let drain into your container (hold it so it doesn’t tip over) – and for the last part, pick up the cotton cloth by the corners, then twist the cloth tightly around the thyme leaves to squeeze out all the remaining toner. Cap and use!!

I spilled mine this time, so the bottle didn’t fill up all the way. I make just enough to use in about 3 weeks, so that I can keep it in the bathroom without refrigerating it – but if you want to double the recipe, it can keep in the refrigerator for longer. I would assume, however, that making more than that would allow the vinegar+thyme solution to lose some potency. This is the best toner I have ever used. The first week or so that I applied it, I experienced a little stinging upon application, and the fragrance is like-whoa-strong -vinegary; but the stinging stopped as my face began to clear up, and I’m forgiving of its odorousness because it’s magical.

Oh!! Directions!! Wash face – apply liberally with cotton pad, avoiding eye area – let your skin get mostly dry – apply moisturizer as usual. I even use this on my chest following post-workout-showers so there’s none of that whack sports bra breakout business going on. 

Anyway, the point is – it’s awesome. And affordable. And simple. And natural. Epic win I say. Epic win.

Thanks Lindsay!!

XOXO
~ J ~

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Pearls of Wisdom from Jamie & Delma: Willy Wonka was evidently a perv…

You guys know how I love my Delm-o. And how amazingly funny her texts are. In fact, here just

The succubus in the middle kicks some misbehavin’ fable ass with the help of her fae posse (well – fae posse plus two humans). And there’s lots of sex and side boob. Because SyFy Network Canada is more open-minded than our ol’ US-of-A SyFy. So go Canada!!

recently we spent 12ish hours losing our minds over a Lost Girl marathon and texting away with maximum snark. It was giggle town times ten.

You just can’t go wrong, or even go to sleep, when a succubus and her human side-kick are knocking seven shades of shit out of supernatural beings pre-dating the existence of humans (aka “Fae”). Especially when the leader of the dark fae is the bitchiest of all bitches and her shoes are AWESOME. And there’s swords and a hot wolf. Also, the greatest bartender in the history of ever who has a library in his basement. I’m just sayin’, you should probably watch it. Netflix is where this is happening – Season 3 just started.

Anyway, Delma recently enlightened me as to what Snozzberries were…as in “the snozzberries taste like snozzberries”

Well – you are just not gonna believe this shit…

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Posted in WTF | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments