Thursday is my Monday. S–t ALWAYS goes down on Thursday. And this is one of the major reasons I love Douglas Adams – because he feels me on this one, and penned such a clever phrase!! So here’s the s–t that went down today, and this week, and the s–t that made up for that s–t. BA-DUM-PSHH! (Ben and I are trying to quit cussing because our nephew is learning to talk, and because we both sound like drunken contestants at the Cussing Nationals – wouldn’t that be the best televised competition EVER? – anyway, I’m not allowed to say s–t. Or most of the other words I really like to say. Pfffft!!)
- Wrapped my pinky toe around a folding chair. Pinky toes aren’t that long y’all.
- Walked into a dog… Straight. Into. A dog.
- Grated part of my hand into the soap I was making. Had to throw some of the soap
- And remember that time I decided to grate soap while sitting on the couch watching Harry Potter? Thinking I could get all the soap to go in that little bowl? Yeah. That didn’t go well either.
- Developed a rash “of unknown origin”. Seriously. That’s exactly what my doctor said. Unknown origin.
- Had a secondary rash AT THE SAME TIME from eating Taco Bueno three days in a row because if I didn’t have it I was going to turn into a homicidal maniac. Except me, wheat, sugar, cheese, and vinegar aren’t exactly the best of friends. I think they’re delicious, my body thinks they’re trying to kill me.
- Thumb was punctured by a kitten tooth because she likes bagels and lox too. (I know, I know, more wheat, more cheese, more sugar. But it was an emergency.)
- I also fell: into a chair, into the stove, over a gate, off a curb, and on top of a dog. The last one was totally the dog’s fault. She’s so hard to see!!
- I did not contaminate my nephew with a rash of unknown origin. And he called me to say “ball”. EPIC WIN.
- I found my own all-natural treatment method for said rash of unknown origin that, so
far, is working leaps and bounds better than any of the over-the-counter stuff. Data pending. No really, I have a spreadsheet.
- I made body wash. Out of soap that doesn’t make my skin angry. For a bajillion, or 228, percent less than the store bought stuff. Make that 228% less than the wholesale price, cuz I was buyin’ my soap at a club.
- I went to the doctor, and weighed 11 pounds less than the last time I was there. Despite the Taco Bueno. Huzzah.
- I discovered coconut oil as a hair mask, and now I am fancy as hell. Dammit, I wasn’t supposed to say hell!! Or dammit. Ugh.
- I made banana bread, which was awesome, ’cause then I got to eat it. Flippin’ sweet.
And now? I nap…or maybe just sleep ’til someone wakes me up with food…
~ J ~