“I Could Never Get The Hang of Thursdays”: Weekly Damage Assessment

Thursday is my Monday. Shit ALWAYS goes down on Thursday. And this is one of the major reasons I love Douglas Adams – because he feels me on this one, and penned such a clever phrase!! So here’s the shit that went down today, and the shit that made up for that shit. BA-DUM-PSHH! For the catastrophes that occurred before these catastrophes, click here.

CONS

  • Izzy will not. stop. pooping. I HATE cleaning up runny dog poop. Nonetheless in four days she’s had 2 baths, 3 kennel

    Holy shit. Maybe my washer's not possessed. Maybe it's just harboring an evil super-robot from the depths of the Matrix. WTF.

    cleanings, one butt wash, and I’ve done three loads of dog towels.

  • As soon as the house got all clean today and was smelling wonderfully of purple Fabuloso. Izzy pooped.
  • Because of cleaning Izzy poop, I had to go outside with a mucky dog towel, and I got sticker-burrs in my feet. Which caused me to jump around and cuss and consequently get poop on my hands. And my leg. UCK.
  • I may or may not have slightly damaged the chair we got for my nephew L.J. – but I don’t know for sure because the batteries are dead. I will buy it more batteries when it ceases with the insubordination.
  • Something’s up with the washing machine. It’s got one leg stuck off balance so it keeps bouncing around the laundry room. I am too small to fight it myself – so I just poke it with a broom, hurl olde english insults of yore at it, and try to move soaking wet clothes toward the center of the monster. It may have a demon, like a certain microwave I know.
  • Because of general complications I didn’t get to go to the shop today. Which sucked, because I was on the verge of having my first four-day work week since my stroke. I was stoked about it. But alas, I fail.
  • I think I inadvertently fed my herb seedlings to a bunch of birds and a pregnant squirrel. All that’s left is the garlic chives and a basil.

PROS

  • I discovered when your dog is shit-city, you can dose ’em with Activia and Pepto. I’m thinking of sending Jamie Lee Curtis a video blog of this, per her request.
  • I signed up to run my first 5K on July 4th!! It’s the Liberty Run in Denton!! Just 7 months after heart surgery WOOT WOOT!!
  • I GET TO MEET THE MOTHER-EFFING BLOGGESS THIS EVENING AND I’M SO EXCITED I COULD JUST PEE AND I’M TOTALLY FREAKED OUT THAT I’M GONNA GET OVERLY STOKED AND SAY SOMETHING UTTERLY RANDOM AND INAPPROPRIATE BECAUSE MY A.D.D. GETS WORSE WHEN I’M EMOTIONALLY STRESSED AND IF I YELL “DOUCHECANOE” OR “VAJAZZLED” AT HER I’M REALLY HOPING SHE’S ENOUGH OF A WEIRD KID THAT SHE’LL EMPATHIZE AND JUST GIGGLE AT ME. Maybe I should bring cupcakes just in case she thinks I’m bonkers. That way she’ll still be my friend. Because everyone wants to be friends with the girl that brings cupcakes.

These are my eyebrows of joy. Accented by sea anemone hair. See why I should probably bring cupcakes??

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This entry was posted in Adventures, Behavior, We're All Guilty of It, Epic Fails, Who? Me? and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to “I Could Never Get The Hang of Thursdays”: Weekly Damage Assessment

  1. Patrick says:

    Ooh, bloggess is awesome! Given her posts I have a feeling she’ll say you’re not weird *enough*.

  2. CubicleViews says:

    So your Thursday is Monday. My Friday is the new Monday.http://thecubicleviews.com/2012/01/30/fridays-are-the-new-mondays/

    And, yes…the Bloggess is pretty amazing.

    • JamieRene says:

      HA!! I love that you managed to incorporate “blast radius” into a post about your coworkers, and that you’ve named one of them Cubicle George!! I’ve got my meeting-and-greeting The Bloggess post coming up soon. It was fan-fucking-tastic!!

  3. gardengrl36 says:

    Haha! This made me laugh! Especially the washer one. With mine all of the clothes go to the same side and it gets off balance and starts bouncing around. 🙂 I have to sit on it.

  4. Pingback: And then I met the Bloggess, and my brain exploded « I Thought This Would Be Easier

  5. Is the poo parade over and done with now?

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