So Benjamin and I went to Metzler’s to buy a thank you beer for a friend of ours that happens to shop frequently at a Russian beer/food store and totally hooked us up with some kickazz options, which resulted in us planning a lil’ beer tour for ourselves this weekend (insert joyous cheer here).
The Russian beer thing came up because I recently developed a minor crush on Russian Dark Lager. But, for our friend, we of course bought Chimay Grande Reserve (aka The Blue One) because WHAT!?! SHE’S NEVER HAD IT!! So der. Perfect thank you beer. I will even include a fancy note card. That’s about as girly as I get with thank you gifts. So for all my besties and girlfriends out there, I hope you like beer, because if you don’t you’re probably getting a Makita drill or a chainsaw. Just know this means I love you lots.
Anyway, we picked up beer and food and I got a root beer because I’m running a little fever (which is why I felt so crap yesterday –
why I didn’t think to check my temperature yesterday I’ll never know) and brought all the goods home for a feast. This is the conversation that ensued:
Ben: Try this beer babe, I got you one of the fluted glasses.
Jamie: No love, I’m just gonna drink root beer, I’ve got a fever and I’ve got work tomorrow and I can’t afford to feel worse.
Ben: I just poured you a smidge, to taste, no more than an ounce, I think you really want to taste this because look….
Jamie wanders into kitchen: Oh my god!! It’s a beer tornado!! It’s so pretty!! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???? (Sips beer) HO-LY-SHIT. I’m sorry sugar, but I want to have it’s babies.
Ben: Really? (sips beer) OH THAT IS GOOD. THAT’S REALLY REALLY GOOD.
Both retire to the couch, where Ben proceeds to open his fried mushrooms, which turn out to be onion rings. Ben HATES onions. HATES THEM. He tells restaurant staff that he has a horrific allergy so they’re extra careful not to let onions touch anything. Ben opens the box, and just holds it out to Jamie, gaping in dismay.
Jamie takes a sidelong glance at the ginormous box full of fried onion and lets loose: BAAHAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHEEEEEEEEHEHEEEEE HEEEHEEHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA *gasp* *gasp* PPPPPPPFFFFFFAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA. Hee. Heehee.Heehee. Hehehehe. Um. Babe? What litter of baby animals did you hit with your car today to deserve such karmic harshness? Seriously. Onion rings? Of all the things?
Ben: I’m going back up there.
Jamie: See if they’ll give you a free beer bomber for your emotional suffering.
Ben: You want an onion ring before I return them?
Jamie: YES (snags the biggest one. duh.)
Ben: DON’T DRINK MY BEER
Jamie: Um. Okay, sure.
Jamie: I won’t, I won’t. I promise. Fever swear.
Ben leaves, and Jamie suddenly realizes the amazing prospect of putting her free onion ring ON TOP of the mesquite smoked turkey sandwich smothered in BBQ sauce that is currently resting so deliciously in front of her. The onion ring was spectacularly placed, and Jamie took a hesitant bite – because it’s dangerous to mess with perfection – and it was GLORIOUS. And that’s when she started to cry a little bit. Because there were also curly fries and a microbrew draft root beer involved in this experiment. And sometimes the universe is so kind you just don’t know what you did to deserve it all. Ten minutes later Ben came home with his fried mushrooms and….the entire box of accidental onion rings. Praise cheeses, life is good – I almost started crying again.
Oh and that beer, the one Ben told me to NOT DRINK, is Squatter’s Hells Keep. You should check it. You’ll want to have it’s babies.