Being sick for a year is bullshiz mang – and I’ve still got 10.5 months to go. I’ve been so excited because it’s 98 days since my stroke, and 51 days since my heart surgery. So as far as I’m concerned, I should be all “green light” for doing whatevs. Which for me means playing outside, and going back to not getting enough sleep, with the slight addition of training for a half-marathon. Because I want running to be a choice (reference previous mention here).
Well, I can’t run a half-marathon. I can’t even run a mile y’all. I can run for 10 minutes as long as I don’t run for more than 2 minutes at a time, and walk for at least 2 minutes between each run. And yesterday all I did was add in some jumping jacks and crunches, and a few squats and my heart totally freaks out on me. WTF?
For four hours last night I had cardiac arrhythmia. For those who don’t know, that just means an irregular heartbeat. In my case my heart was going kaaa-thunk, kaaa-thunk, *nothing*, kathunkathunkathunk, *nothing* and repeat. So it was irregular, AND skipping beats. SCARED THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME. I seriously thought the damn thing was going to stop in my sleep. But, being the technologically advanced human that I am, I googled it.
Google told me that cardiac arrhythmia after heart surgery is common, and can occur if you exercise too hard after surgery. And that I should probably take an extra aspirin and rest. Because evidently, clots can form if your heart beat is skipping, which can lead to a stroke.
I need another stroke like I need a hole in the head. Or rather, another hole in the head, because I’ve already got one of those
from the first stroke. Anyway, my point is – this sucks. I’m ready to get up and GOOOOO!!! I’m not a sit-down type of person. In fact, unless I’m in a movie theater, it is torture for me to even sit through a movie. I have to MOVE. In fact, even in movie theaters I’m constantly fidgeting – but I don’t stand up when I’m there, or fold laundry, because that would be rude.
I went to the shop today and was told by my friend J.L., “Jamie. You gotta chill chica, you’ve got a hunk of metal in your heart. Don’t you know how to chill?”
J.L.: “Well, you better learn girl. Or it’s gonna be bad news.”
Does anyone else see how enormously unhelpful that was? I’ve spent my entire life NOT being still. I’m ADD for pete’s sake. How do you just learn to be still out of nowhere? Cripes. Is it possible to rent a backyard-sized Buddhist Monastery? Like one of those bounce house things, only with chanting and inner peace. And maybe still the bouncing, because that would be amazeballs.
Yours in stillness-induced aggravation,