…some happies start nipping at your ankles.
I have had the WORST PMS ever this week. And I am not a PMS person. I get it maybe every 6-8 months, and only for a few hours, or at most – a day. The last time I had PMS was about a year ago, and Benjamin had to stop me from mowing down an inconsiderate, self-loathing, obnoxious herd of tweeny emo-kids at Walmart. I think the warning sign was when I bared my teeth, and started accelerating our grocery cart on two wheels at their unshowered and slouchy forms, with obvious intent to rip the knees out of the back of their pleather bondage pants. THERE IS LIFE BEYOND MUSE AND HALF-CAFF CARAMEL MACCHIATO FRAPS YOU UNDERSTIMULATED FACEBOOKING TWERPS!!
Benjamin has provided a scientific description of my melt-downs that I will now share with you:
“Babe, you are the most patient, forgiving person I have ever met. Sometimes it’s almost to a fault. And you hardly ever get upset. But when you do it’s like f@$*%&ing Chernobyl and there’s no stopping it. And I try to prevent that from happening. EVER. It is my mission to monitor the water temperature around the reactor core. It’s important for humanity.”
And when PMS hits? Neither of us can stop it. The red lights are flashing in the dark, and we both know what coming, and there’s nothing we can do about it. I’VE BEEN LIKE THIS FOR A WEEK PEOPLE. AND THERE’S STILL 6 DAYS TO GO. I can’t stop crying, my pants don’t fit, I NEED TACO BUENO, chocolate only makes me nice for about 15 minutes, my boobs hurt, I eat 7 times a day, and I either have total insomnia or I’m in a coma. OH! And I have failed to get excited about power tools, interior decorating, and reading on three separate occasions. If I turn down a cupcake – start preparing for the zombie apocolypse.
I need sleep. I need to de-bloat. I need a pedicure and a glass of wine. And a hot bath. I need to stop scaring Benjamin (I haven’t yelled at him yet though, and that prevents me from feeling like a complete failure).
So – I was a little on edge when I walked out the door this morning to head for work (my inner bitch on low-growl because my fat-day jeans were digging into my hip bone and already threatening to show butt-crack) And it was in this moment, that the universe decided to start feeding me sunshine in easily digestible tidbits of joy…
- My NY BFF J.H. text me that the benefit shows for my cousin’s friend Esme have reached all the way to Brooklyn, NY
- It turned out I DID NOT miss trash day when I forgot it was Thursday because of the New Year Holiday. Trash pick up got bumped to today. HOLLA!! What up!?!
- Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode came on the radio. Nuff said.
- I was reminded that fabulousness still exists in solid form even when you feel sucky – for example, the band named
“Orchestral Maneuvers In The Dark“. Being awesome since the 80’s y’all.
- I heard Matt Lauer gave Ricky Gervais kind of a tuff time on the Today show this morning in an interview about his approach to comedy. So I tweeted him to tell him not to change a damn thing and that he is HILARIOUS. I seriously never thought I’d live to see the day when I could send warm-fuzzies to my fave famous people – from my phone.
- One of my favorite people, and the husband of the lady I describe on my About Me page, came to visit me and Dad at the shop!! And I got, like, 9 hugs!!
- My fence permit came through, which gave me a legit reason to coerce the cousins into coming to
playwork at my house for a week. WHICH IS FUN TIME CENTRAL -NO JOKE. You’re gonna have the sads that you missed it. But I will share pics. Hearts and promises.
- Finally – I have come to terms with the fact that Party Rock Anthem makes me shake my ass, and there is nothing I can do about it. Don’t tell anyone.
Here’s to the little things my friends. Sometimes we’ve just got to get through the day one ray of sunshine at a time. XOXO