And while we’re on the subject of snarky…

Best snarky face. For you. Deadly frightening y'all.

Many a year ago, I was a pre-school teacher for typically developing kiddos, and kiddos with learning difficulties. No matter their developmental level however, we always had to post rules in the classroom, and review them daily before recess. Because a 3 year old forgets everything except the taste of McDonald’s when he hits the playground, and will annihilate his peers with rocks, go face first down a slide, and take his teacher out at the knees with a  tricycle if there’s not some simple “review and repeat” before all hell breaks loose. To ensure maximum memory retention, we would even pantomime the rules. For example, I would lay down on the floor as if I had fallen, and have one of the kiddos offer me a hand to help me up and ask “Are you okay?”. We would also practice saying “I’m sorry” and moving slowly. ALOT. And it helped. We had fewer playground tears, and I was using less and less Neosporin ointment and/or hand soap to get kids knees, etc. unstuck from the railings on the bridge to the slide.

Last spring, when I entered the realm of the “Fence Season” for the first time, my office reminded me a lot of the playground prior to the days of “classroom rule review” before recess. Only with grown ups. They were milling around, getting in my (and everyone else’s way), forgetting how to wait their turn, pulling crap off the walls, getting into my snacks, bitching at each other, interrupting any and every conversation, and asking to use the bathroom constantly. I’m sorry – but I do NOT handle that crap well. It’s one thing when you’re 3 years old and still learning. If you’re three, I have infinite patience with you. If you’re above the age of 12 – you had better sit down and act your age before I call your mother. There is a time and a place for that kind of behavior. I MEAN IT.

See the huge day-glo sign behind me? It starts with "You are responsible for" and pretty much ends with "your own crap". Also friends, meet my Goofy coffee mug - it's totally my fave.

Not to mention, I get a lot of fence builders that come in hung over and sleep deprived, so they’re whiny anyway. I fixed the majority of that problem by keeping bottled water and Alka-Seltzer in my office. I set them in a corner, with their fizzing dixie cup of hangover cure, and they sort of reduce their growl to a low rumble, and hunker down for 15 minutes or so.

For everyone else – I use my preschool classroom trick. Posted Rules (and additionally, answers to frequently asked questions). They are bright green, they hang on the wall, and I’m thinking of buying frames. For your enjoyment ladies and gents…Rules and FAQ’s:

Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:

1)                 I am 32 years old, not 17

The actual FAQ's hanging in mi oficina!

2)                 I graduated from UNT with a degree in Behavior Analysis

3)                 I love my job, and do not want another one

4)                 I love my fiancé Ben, and do not want another one

5)                 I have been in and around this business my entire life, and yes, I am very good at math (unless I haven’t had my coffee)

6)                 I am usually here on Wednesday, Thursday & Friday

7)                 It is easier to get ahold of me by text or email due to the fact that I only have one phone, and all calls go to me directly

The Rules:

1)  Treat everyone here (myself, my co-worker, and the other customers) as you would wish to be treated, and please use your manners

2)  Prices are firm, all of them – Cash is the only form of payment, and we charge sales tax

3)  Prices do change, frequently – any quoted price more than a week old is no longer guaranteed

The one and only Office Rules.

4)  Please make sure you received all of the materials you paid for before you sign your pull ticket and leave, otherwise you are responsible for missing items, and will need to purchase the replacements

5)  You may not choose pickets individually to find the pretty ones. All of our bundles are hand graded by a Union worker before being shipped to us. We will load the material as is, and attempt to remove any damaged pickets. If you get home with any damaged pickets, you may bring them to us to be inspected for a potential return. THERE IS NO GUARANTEED RETURN POLICY. You should allow for 10 or so extra pickets with each order to account for a few that you are just not going to like.

6)  The customer is not always right, and neither am I – that being said, I tend to be more agreeable with polite people

7)  The price of our materials will go up if you are rude, aggressive, or condescending – there is a sliding scale depending on how angry you make me

8)  You have 2 chances with me, after which you will be escorted off the property

9)  If you have difficulty with and/or do not wish to adhere to the aforementioned guidelines please seek assistance at the following location:

Home Depot

3200 W Irving Blvd

Irving, TX 75061

Disclaimer (at bottom of rules): I am very sorry to have to post rules in my office, this turn of events came about as the result of encounters with a handful of poorly behaved individuals. Generally speaking, we have wonderful customers who are a pleasure to do business with.

We sell pretty fences to nice people. Make being nice your choice today!!


About TexasFenceSupply

Texas Fence Supply is a supplier located in North Dallas; contact us for information on our wood and chain link products, as well as our modular fence system.
This entry was posted in Adventures, Behavior, We're All Guilty of It, Stuff I do...Or like...Or think about, Who? Me? and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to And while we’re on the subject of snarky…

  1. Jeebus, i totally heart you. It makes my heart warm to read all of your FAQ and rules. They are so Jamie, and it makes me absolutely happy. I heart you, bestifer! And I will annihilate anyone that chooses to be a rude ass munch at your place of business.

    • JamieRene says:

      You do realize no one will want to hang out with us when you move back to Texas right? I swear, you put the two of us together and it’s just sensory overload LMAO!! I love you to pieces!! Mwah!!

      • Well, they will just be missing out on the awesomeness that is the Jami-e-laa… Wait, I was totally combining our names, to make, one, super human, and then realized, THEY’RE PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AND I CAN’T DO THAT EFFECTIVELY.

        Wait, sensory overload? What do you mean sensory overload? I don’t understand what you’re talking about.

        ALSOOOOO, this is what I will do to the ass munchers at your place of business if they fuck with you :

      • JamieRene says:

        Umm yes please!! And I’ve noticed we can’t smash our names too!! And Benjamin stumbles if he tries to say Jamie-and-Jam too fast. Which I think is funny, because failing is kind of our thing. I like that we can share it with others =P Also, I would very much please like to do samurai sword smash with leftover Christmas wrapping paper tubes when you come home this summer. That is all. And I love you. And sensory overload is when too many things in your environment are stimulating your 5 senses at once and it is an experience similar to nails-on-a-chalkboard or sand-in-your-bikini-bottoms. And that is actually all.

      • Oh, hunny. you just failed so hard. PLEASE PICK- UP ON MY INTERNET SARCASM.

        “Well, they will just be missing out on the awesomeness that is the Jami-e-laa… Wait, I was totally combining our names, to make, one, super human, and then realized, THEY’RE PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AND I CAN’T DO THAT EFFECTIVELY.”

        This was supposed to be a prime example of the overload. bahahahahaha

        But I sitll love you.

        OMFG, YES, LET’S DO IT. Good grief, Jorge already thinks I’m a hot(test) mess (yes, i said hottest- how you doin’? ;]). He’s going to see us in action and be like whatttt the fuckkkk!!? IT’S GOING TO BE FUCKING AMAZING.

        LOVE IT.

      • JamieRene says:

        I don’t get jokes. It takes me two days to get jokes. You know this mang. XOXO


    • Jam, I keep trying to go to your blog and comment! How do I do such a thing? I don’t understand not-wordpress sometimes…

      • JamieRene says:

        I can’t figure out how to comment on her blog either!! And I have SO much to say ❤

      • Dudes. Maybe tumblr doesn’t let you do it unless you’re on tumblr. But wait, Jells, you are. Okay, if you go to your dashboard and read my post from there, I know you can reply. Otherwise, you can’t, i guess.

        One of the absolute tragedies of tumblr, apparently. I wish there was someway to auto post on one and then the other? I think I should make a WordPress. What do y’all think?! dumbbbbb!

      • JamieRene says:

        Yes make a wordpress!! Tumblr does not facilitate effective communication – and I can’t say anything funny to you – it breaks my heart =P

  2. Kate says:

    i like your snarky picture. very snarky. xoxo

  3. Alyssa says:

    Love it. All of it. Genius!

  4. Um, I kind of LOVE both lists. I had no idea you had them so well thought out. I might have to steal one or two as appropriate.

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